No, I haven’t replaced my decaying mousepad – Rock Paper Shotgun yet

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You knew it was going to happen. First the wound opened and then spray you with entrails the skin peeled back to raw meat, and this next step would happen one day. Yet even if the lump under your wrist shifted, and you knew it wriggled its way freely, maybe not? Maybe it would be okay? Maybe it would stay there. Please, let it stay there. You can’t handle it now. Oh god, let it stay there. Not now. Please, not now. But it happened (of course it did!). And you know what? It’s okay with you. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You felt the pressure go against your wrist, heard a flop and looked down. There it was. A bump fell out. A big bump, near your foot. After the fear of what would happen when it inevitably arose, it was just there. You pick up the lump and look at it. It’s a big lump, no doubt. And it did look like a bubbling and cracking lump of charred meat still soft with sticky yellow fat inside. Yet you are surprised by how calm you feel. It’s not so bad in the open. This was what you were so worried about? This was the pressure that shifted under the skin, the pinch in your vein, the tumor that kept pushing you back, the horror that you hoped never to experience in daylight? So what? It’s not that bad.

Suddenly it’s just… there

After turning the lump in your hands for a while, examining it from every angle, you pop it back under the skin and shake it in its old place. This isn’t perfect, but it will work. You realize you can live with this, for now. More than that, you think you have to live with this now. A sweeping solution is more than you can currently manage.

One day your mouse will give out. At that point, quit completely. Throw away the mouse pad, throw away the mouse, and start over. Rebuilding a clean (and Sheen-fresh) desktop. Who knows what you will use! Some vertical mouse, maybe? That might work for you. A combination of vertical and horizontal mice, even, switch if needs? Maybe!

You feel it shift under the skin again. You know it’s still there, still loose, still waiting to resurface. But if it does, so what? You understand what it is, now. You understand the problem. You have solutions lined up. And you can step into it again, if you have to.

It’s disgusting, no doubt. But it will be alright, one day. Hopefully soon.

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